at the same time this kind of storytelling shows how very very much he is re-asserting control, almost on autopilot, by the way he is telling this story.
Nikolai is immensely contradictory that way, I think. His autopilot is basically to go directly against what he actually wants, ahahah. He's a huge control freak - at least in this story - so even his attempt to lose control just gives him even more.
But at the same time (and this is what Nikolai is thinking at one point) how much is due to Cowboy's manipulation?
Oooooh, this is actually intensely fascinating. Because the other comments are talking about how comforting it is that Cowboy basically takes Nikolai home by force, and you're telling me that Cowboy is basically preying on Nikolai here and forcing him to find the loss of control to be comforting. Or Nikolai is so broken that he finds something horrid to be good, and that's very eerie.
I think, honestly, given that I have no idea what I was writing, both works. It really depends on whether you believe in Nikolai's POV or not. Because somehow Cowboy is still strange and cryptic and unearthly here because we don't get his POV at all.
(And it's strange that you picked out those three lines in particular, because it's only after I wrote those lines that I finally realised where this was going, and I had to go back to edit. :3)
I still have difficulties bringing these to versions together. Hm.
no subject
Nikolai is immensely contradictory that way, I think. His autopilot is basically to go directly against what he actually wants, ahahah. He's a huge control freak - at least in this story - so even his attempt to lose control just gives him even more.
But at the same time (and this is what Nikolai is thinking at one point) how much is due to Cowboy's manipulation?
Oooooh, this is actually intensely fascinating. Because the other comments are talking about how comforting it is that Cowboy basically takes Nikolai home by force, and you're telling me that Cowboy is basically preying on Nikolai here and forcing him to find the loss of control to be comforting. Or Nikolai is so broken that he finds something horrid to be good, and that's very eerie.
I think, honestly, given that I have no idea what I was writing, both works. It really depends on whether you believe in Nikolai's POV or not. Because somehow Cowboy is still strange and cryptic and unearthly here because we don't get his POV at all.
(And it's strange that you picked out those three lines in particular, because it's only after I wrote those lines that I finally realised where this was going, and I had to go back to edit. :3)
I still have difficulties bringing these to versions together. Hm.
What do you mean here, lovely?