'I'll write the end of my story and after that I will stop having a story.'
Yes, exactly. And I think that's really, really cool and fitting for him, because he _wants_ to give up control (basically, I think he just wants to let go of everything, and yes, of course that is a euphemism for dying) and at the same time this kind of storytelling shows how very very much he is re-asserting control, almost on autopilot, by the way he is telling this story. At least until Cowboy shows up which is when the narrative feels more disjointed.
I don't know, it makes him unearthly, but at least same time I find him intensely attractive because of that unearthliness.
I re-watched bits and pieces of Big Empty yesterday to check whether I wasn't just talking out of my ass :), but I wasn't. It is odd, yes, because I would agree that he is attractive and fascinating, but in his case this isn't linked to sex. Like, to put it bluntly, I'd totally drag all of Sean's other characters into the next backalley and have my way with them, but with Cowboy I'd just want to sit there and stare at him, maybe like you would at a panther in the zoo. Really, like I said before, to me he is by far the least human character (human as in someone you can (easily) relate to), and yeah, I do find panthers endlessly fascinating but I wouldn't want to shag them :).
But back to your story: Maybe it's just me feeling uncomfortable with the eeriness of this, and maybe that's what I've reacted to. Like in this bit in particular:
“It makes you the same as many people,” Cowboy answered, leaning down until their foreheads touched and his too-hot breath ghosted over Nikolai’s mouth. “It proves you wrong about what you think about yourself, and I like that.”
“You talk as if you know me already.”
“Maybe I do,” Cowboy replied. “Maybe I’ve been watching you.”
It is something that Nikolai finds comforting and yet I can't help but feel shivers running down my spine because dude, this feels SO predatory. It's like Cowboy's words put Nikolai in his place, in an almost completely uncaring, casual way that seems almost cruel. Like he is taking away the illusion that Nikolai is special or has any sort of control at all. And yeah, Nikolai wants this and I think it's partly because he has been so broken that he is beyond fixing. But at the same time (and this is what Nikolai is thinking at one point) how much is due to Cowboy's manipulation?
It does work for both characters, amazingly, and still, even when rewatching The Big Empty and maybe because the protagonist is so decidedly unsexy ;), I still have difficulties bringing these to versions together. Hm.
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Yes, exactly. And I think that's really, really cool and fitting for him, because he _wants_ to give up control (basically, I think he just wants to let go of everything, and yes, of course that is a euphemism for dying) and at the same time this kind of storytelling shows how very very much he is re-asserting control, almost on autopilot, by the way he is telling this story. At least until Cowboy shows up which is when the narrative feels more disjointed.
I don't know, it makes him unearthly, but at least same time I find him intensely attractive because of that unearthliness.
I re-watched bits and pieces of Big Empty yesterday to check whether I wasn't just talking out of my ass :), but I wasn't. It is odd, yes, because I would agree that he is attractive and fascinating, but in his case this isn't linked to sex. Like, to put it bluntly, I'd totally drag all of Sean's other characters into the next backalley and have my way with them, but with Cowboy I'd just want to sit there and stare at him, maybe like you would at a panther in the zoo. Really, like I said before, to me he is by far the least human character (human as in someone you can (easily) relate to), and yeah, I do find panthers endlessly fascinating but I wouldn't want to shag them :).
But back to your story: Maybe it's just me feeling uncomfortable with the eeriness of this, and maybe that's what I've reacted to. Like in this bit in particular:
“It makes you the same as many people,” Cowboy answered, leaning down until their foreheads touched and his too-hot breath ghosted over Nikolai’s mouth. “It proves you wrong about what you think about yourself, and I like that.”
“You talk as if you know me already.”
“Maybe I do,” Cowboy replied. “Maybe I’ve been watching you.”
It is something that Nikolai finds comforting and yet I can't help but feel shivers running down my spine because dude, this feels SO predatory. It's like Cowboy's words put Nikolai in his place, in an almost completely uncaring, casual way that seems almost cruel. Like he is taking away the illusion that Nikolai is special or has any sort of control at all. And yeah, Nikolai wants this and I think it's partly because he has been so broken that he is beyond fixing. But at the same time (and this is what Nikolai is thinking at one point) how much is due to Cowboy's manipulation?
It does work for both characters, amazingly, and still, even when rewatching The Big Empty and maybe because the protagonist is so decidedly unsexy ;), I still have difficulties bringing these to versions together. Hm.